In life, disappointments are inevitable. And, betrayal can only exist from those close. Sometimes as a self-defense mechanism, we can put on a strong face and ultimately only fool and hurt ourselves. Recently, I was deeply hurt by a longtime friend. Immediately, I cut off all methods of contact. Later, there was an exchange... A discussion. To add insult to the injury, the "apology" received was sandwiched between excuses, blame, justifications and lies.
It's taken some time for me to realize how much pain and anger I was holding on to regarding, even though I denied being affected. I mean, I hadn't even journaled about it. Not healthy at all. Being blindsided can send us into a place of mental or emotional shock, and for the last couple of weeks that's where I was.
Finally pulling out my journal, I remembered I'd previously written a letter to this friend during happier times - which was in my journal. I wrote about my experiences and emotions. Then grabbed the letter, and on the back of it wrote out a new letter to the friend expressing my hurts. I closed the letter forgiving them, and thanking them for the experience. I acknowledged they offered the level of friendship only at the level of which they were capable of giving. It just so happens what they offer is does not work for me.
After releasing the emotions and tears, I took this double sided letter with flip-flopped feelings into the kitchen and lit it on fire. As it burned, there were a couple of times when the flames would die down... I was immediately reminded of how often we get "so far" in the healing process and will stop, move on, etc. and still have unfinished business. Every time the process stalled, I would light the paper again. For the very end, I had to hold the paper and let it burn up (until the flame got too close). This symbolic ceremony was cathartic in more ways than one.
If by chance you're holding on to something, LET IT GO! And, do so completely. If you're not completely through the healing process, go back and finish. It may take some time, you may need to dig deep... You may not even know what you're holding on to immediately - so pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you.
Your healing moment may not require all that mine did. Maybe you'll release balloons. Maybe you'll light candles and pray. Maybe it will involve an actual conversation with someone. Whatever it takes, have the courage to do it with love - love for yourself, love for the journey, love for the lessons.
...In His Makesty's Name.
