Let it Go

In life, disappointments are inevitable. And, betrayal can only exist from those close. Sometimes as a self-defense mechanism, we can put on a strong face and ultimately only fool and hurt ourselves.  Recently, I was deeply hurt by a longtime friend.  Immediately, I cut off all methods of contact. Later, there was an exchange... A discussion.  To add insult to the injury, the "apology" received was sandwiched between excuses, blame, justifications and lies. 

It's taken some time for me to realize how much pain and anger I was holding on to regarding, even though I denied being affected. I mean, I hadn't even journaled about it. Not healthy at all. Being blindsided can send us into a place of mental or emotional shock, and for the last couple of weeks that's where I was.

Finally pulling out my journal, I remembered I'd previously written a letter to this friend during happier times - which was in my journal. I wrote about my experiences and emotions. Then grabbed the letter, and on the back of it wrote out a new letter to the friend expressing my hurts. I closed the letter forgiving them, and thanking them for the experience. I acknowledged they offered the level of friendship only at the level of which they were capable of giving. It just so happens what they offer is does not work for me.

After releasing the emotions and tears, I took this double sided letter with flip-flopped feelings into the kitchen and lit it on fire. As it burned, there were a couple of times when the flames would die down... I was immediately reminded of how often we get "so far" in the healing process and will stop, move on, etc. and still have unfinished business.  Every time the process stalled, I would light the paper again. For the very end, I had to hold the paper and let it burn up (until the flame got too close). This symbolic ceremony was cathartic in more ways than one.

If by chance you're holding on to something, LET IT GO! And, do so completely. If you're not completely through the healing process, go back and finish. It may take some time, you may need to dig deep... You may not even know what you're holding on to immediately - so pray and ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you. 

Your healing moment may not require all that mine did. Maybe you'll release balloons. Maybe you'll light candles and pray.  Maybe it will involve an actual conversation with someone.  Whatever it takes, have the courage to do it with love - love for yourself, love for the journey, love for the lessons.

...In His Makesty's Name.

A moment...

Allow me this moment... Nine months ago, I thought I knew Who God was. I thought I knew the Love of God. I thought I knew the Voice of God. I thought I knew the Presence of God. 

Today, I know how much about all of the above I did not know. Today, I know all of the above on a deeper level. Today, I grateful with every fiber of my being for the intimacy, love, presence, peace, covering, and guidance of my God. Today, I live with a trust I was ashamed to confess I lacked in the past. The "control freak" in me would often lack faith in God where my life was concerned... Even though I had enough faith in what He'd do for others. Today, I have come to know Him for the sovereign God that He Is.

I have come to appreciate the fact that He Is in control. Letting go of weight that wasn't mine to bear has been extremely freeing. I've even come to accept that He owes me no explanation... No answers... No reasons... Nothing. Why? Because He's God. All by Himself. Doesn't need my approval. Didn't ask for my help, or me to audition for the role of "Holy Spirit". I am willing to confess it's been a tough lesson to learn. A lesson I believe my father has been trying to get me to learn for some time. But, I think I got it now...

Let me tell you this... Life is much easier when you embrace the sovereignty of God. Not that there won't be challenges. I still face several. But I know it's not my job or place to figure it out, work it out... It's not my name on the line. It's not your name on the line... His Name, the Name above all names. And, He will see to it that His Will is accomplished. He will get all glory!

If you're, like me, a believer struggling with true surrender to the sovereignty of our Heavenly Father, allow me to encourage you... Spend some time with Him in fasting and prayer. Try Him. Taste Him. He wants to show you so many things, including how greatly He loves you. Let GoD. You won't regret it!

...In His Majesty's Name.

Wake Up Call!

Last night, in my prayers I asked God to give me a wake up call. What I was kinda hoping for was really just a tap on the shoulder reminding me to hit the market for a few forgotten items necessary for today's detox. What I "meant" was: "Jesus, don't let me hit snooze three times." I'm somewhat of an early riser... But can get comfortable with a little sleeping in - especially if I'm not mindful of my bedtime.  Knowing that I needed to do a few extra things, I even chuckled to myself when my prayer came out as "wake up call." I wasn't sure why I chose those words, but surely didn't expect what I got! What'd I get? Just what I asked for! The wake up call...

To some, the way my phone is set up is complicated. To me, it takes the complications out of having a phone and being reachable. To-mae-to, ta-mah-to. When dialing my (virtual) number, it rings both my cell and my landline. This is helpful since usually my cell is on silent anyways. Very few have my actual cell or home number... 

That said, I've recently been #delivert - my devices (cell and iPad) no longer sleep in the bed with me. In fact, they're not even next to me! I have to get out of bed to grab them, and turn off the alarms. My house phone does "sleep" close by in case of an emergency.

What rings at 5:17 A.M.?! My CELL phone - across the room! And, it says "UNKNOWN"! I jumped up to grab it (surprisingly not frantic or alarmed), however the call had ended before I could answer. Could it have been someone I know? Yes. Was it Jesus? Absolutely! As soon as I realized the call was gone, I was reminded about my prayer last night for the wake up call. Tempted to jump in the bed and set a later alarm, I decided to get up and hit the market for my items. Driving there, I asked God what was He saying. 

He answered with these three quick things: 

1) I Am hearing your prayers.

2) I Am answering your prayers.

3) I Am giving you what you've asked for.

With amazement I am grateful that He hears, He is answering and He is providing. With humility and His wisdom, I am mindful of what I ask for... and making it plain. (Habakkuk Two, Two and Three) 

I felt led to share... God hears you. He's answering you. And, for some... He's giving you what you've asked for! Wake up! Do you not see it?? (Isaiah Forty Three, Nineteen)  Have a fabulously blessed day!

...In His Majesty's Name

Pest Control

To know me, I'm sure you have noticed what I refer to as "pest control" located on the ring finger of my left hand. I started wearing fake engagement rings toward the end of high school, or soon after. Tired of being approached only by men older than my father, I failed to see the compliment from guys my age that I just was not the recreational type of girl.  After lying to one persistent, nasty, old man telling him that my "man" had bought me the Cadillac Catera I was driving (it was my father's car, I just happened to drive it often to keep the miles low), I upped my game to include a wedding band with the fake engagement ring.

 

So for over fifteen years, I've more often than not had a ring or ring set I've worn on that hand and finger. Only once did I come close to having it replaced with a real set - but that relationship ended prior to engagement. (I really liked that ring too, having picked it out myself and all. LOL). In more recent years, I'll confess my reasons for wearing has changed: (1) It's a comfort thing... I am just used to having a ring there; and (2) to make the real one less noticeable.

Now, allow me to explain the second one a little further. Growing up as a member of the first family in a church, and now as a minister of the Gospel, my life has never really known anything other than the spotlight. I was not afforded the privacy most are accustomed to growing up in a Glass house (pun intended, cute right?). I am a transparent person but have learned to keep cards closer to my chest - as not every person's interest is rooted in a good place. So I convinced myself that if I wear a fake ring, when it's replaced with a real one I'll be able to sneak around without church members noticing, or inquiring about details. WHO am I kidding? No one other than myself! When the man God designed me to walk this journey of life with asks for my hand in marriage, with the blessing of my father, I highly doubt I'll be calm enough to keep it a secret! And, more importantly, why would I want to?

I've gotten several times from people that my pest control may scare away the "right" guy... and to that I almost always responded, "the right one will know." Yesterday, I got three separate inquiries about my ring set. I'll confess... my previous set was my favorite of all the ones I've had over the years. And a couple of months ago... I lost it! I've never lost any of them. Devastated is an understatement.  Hard-headed, I put on another set... even finding it was a challenge. One would think I would have taken the hints.

Yes, I'm a little slow sometimes; but I'm up to speed now. I'm RETIRING the pest control. Lawd, help me! (Sorry, PNS - there goes the June wedding rumors!)  

My finger feels so naked! But, I recognize and appreciate the symbolism of needing to be available and naked (not literally) in order to be in position for Him to find me. For me, it was pest control. What do you hide behind? What "mask" do you wear? What do you need to finally let go of in order to move forward? Do it now. Let it go. Trust God! I am confident enough to promise you it'll be worth it!

 

...In His Majesty's Name.

Happy Spring #BahHumbug

Happy First Day of Spring! #BahHumbug :)  I make it no secret, Autumn is usually my favorite. I enjoy the richness of the colors found in God's creation. Taking a drive down the highway lined with trees bright with yellows, oranges, reds and greens - breathtaking! Spring, on the other hand, has been my least favorite season. Why? Well, let me tell you: even though I'm a Spring baby, it's usually too cool on my birthday. Not that I desired the heat of the Summer; I just wanted to wear a cute outfit and shoes without fear of colder temperatures and rain.


This year, I have found myself excited about Spring's arrival. Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with my birthday. My life has recently experienced some heated situations, colorful commentary and bitter cold. To say I'm ready for something new is an understatement. But, let's be honest: how many times have we heard "this is your season" exclaimed by pastors, teachers, friends and family? We can play "It's Working" by Pastor William Murphy on repeat, declaring our season of grace and favor, all while nothing seems to have changed in our favor. In fact, sometimes seems can feel and appear worse.

The past three seasons, I have learned by experiences (because some mistakes we have to grow through on our own) first hand the sovereignty of God. It's an extremely humbling thing. Humbling not just because of the way in which I experienced it, but in the Person He Is - yet He cares for and loves us. Growing up "in church" and even the intimacy with God prior to this point is nothing compared to what I see and know now. Still I recognize: there is still so much of Him I do not know, understand, see, and never will.  However, I am extremely blessed and grateful for the revelation of Himself He has shared to this point.

What has changed that makes me excited this year about Spring? Some could say nothing at all, but I say: everything. What's changed? Me. The Spring Equinox is one of two days in the year when "the sun shines directly on the equator and the length of day and night is nearly equal - but not quite."  In other words, there is a sense of "balance" between the light and darkness. I have learned just how unbalanced my life was. Seems like the perfect time to submit, and become balanced with God as He changes seasons, balancing day and night.

I may not know... in fact I do not know, what this Spring and following seasons will entail. What I do know is this: there is a season for everything. (Ecclesiastes Three). I don't have to understand it (which is a daily struggle for me). I choose to trust God is all-knowing and purposeful in all that He does. It is that trust in Him that creates the balance I was so desperately in need of. Are you lacking some balance? Off kilter in your career, relationships, finances, spirituality, or all of the above? Learn from me. Get in line with God. Align yourself with what He's doing in your life; align yourself with the seasonal shifts.

Remember I didn't like the (strong) possibility of rain on my birthday, and the entire season of Spring? Well, rain helps things grow. His Reign helps you and I grow. This year, why not truly Spring Forward! Trust. Expect. Watch. See.  Make it Reign, by letting Him Reign. 

...In His Majesty's Name.  

Offensive Forgiveness

I know the title probably makes little sense to you, but allow me a moment to explain... 

Last month, I shared in a brief conversation with someone who wanted to "confess" they'd been harboring ill feelings toward me. They were offended by something I had said or did -- years ago. They couldn't even remember verbatim what it was, but they were still mad. They'd held onto it for all this time allowing it to eat away at them and poison them - mind, body & soul.

I knew something had changed between us, but because we weren't really "close" I wrote it off as nothing major. Little did I know this change was really the result of miscommunication and lack of intimacy in the relationship. Neither of us knew each other well to know (1) how actions/words were meant, or (2) that one would take offense by such words/actions.

Needless to say, I was completely taken aback by this confession. Both the timing and the content caught me by surprise. However, at the end of the tearful and emotional exchange forgiveness was sought and given. Walking away, I felt challenged by the Holy Spirit to review those I was holding something against.

The Bible tells us... "But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.'" (Mark Eleven Twenty-Five) Like this old friend, I had been holding on to some grudges. Some of them were buried so deep and held on to for so long, I did not realize I was harboring such thoughts and feelings. Upon some soul searching and reflection, I acknowledged some things I thought I was over were actually still holding me in bondage.

Looking some offenses in the face has not been easy. While some quickly disappeared once acknowledged, others will require a bit more work in order for true forgiveness and healing to take place.  You cannot change what you will not confront. Confrontation is not easy nor comfortable. It can sometimes be volatile and is often done incorrectly. However, when it comes to areas of life that require change for the sake of liberty and growth, confrontation is necessary.

I'm learning that in order to truly be the example of royalty God created me to be, forgiveness is necessary. Forgiveness of others. Forgiveness of self. Forgiveness of past hurts. Forgiveness of hurts to come. What offenses are you still holding on to? I guarantee you - it's doing more harm to you than the one guilty of the offense. Do yourself a favor... let it go. You'll be better for it!

Besides, no one wants a king or queen with a constant scowl on their face because they're holding on to offenses. ;-)

...In His Majesty's Name.

I Am RoyalTEE

In launching the blog designed to speak to the power we have as children of The Most High God, I thought it'd be great to simultaneously introduce a limited edition tee design.  

#MakeItReign Official V-Neck "I Am Royalty" Tee

It's not enough to tell the world... sometimes, you need to remind yourself just who YOU are!  This tee-shirt design is available in a tagless standard and ladies v-neck option, and will serve as your reminder every time you see your reflection in the mirror that you are "Royalty."

You only have until February 23rd to place your order, and shirts will ship 7-11 business days after the campaign ends.  Make sure you order this limited edition tee in celebration of our #MakeItReign launch! Spread the word and tell your friends.  

...In His Majesty's Name.

Update:  This T-shirt did not receive enough orders for shipment. However, it will be re-launched soon with some modifications to the design.